The Standard

 
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✪ The standard is a declaration of intent for our way of life ✪

 ✪Alcohol doesn’t solve problems but neither does milk.

✪Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

✪Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.

✪ Don’t wear tight underwear on aeroplanes.

✪ Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs.

✪Salute nobody.

✪ Boo joggers.

✪ Sleep with somebody you like.

✪ If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.   

✪ Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

✪ Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

✪ A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

✪ If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

✪ Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

✪ Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

✪ No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

✪ A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

✪ Remember opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

✪ There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

✪ Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

✪ By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

✪ Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

✪ It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

✪ If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.

✪ You should not confuse your career with your life.

✪ Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

✪ Never lick a steak knife.

✪ You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

✪ You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

✪ Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

✪ When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

✪ Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is NOT a sport. And we are never going to think of it that way.

✪ Money can’t buy you happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bike.

✪ Live Fast ✪ Party Hard ✪ Share The Moment ✪